I Remember the Day the Sun Went Out

“Like, most people go through their whole lives not having to see anything like this, you know? Is it weird to say I found the whole thing interesting more than anything, to take in everyone’s reactions over the event itself? Time became meaningless, it all seemed to drag on. Have you ever stared at a clock and it seemed like the second hand hung over one point for way longer than a second, like there was some way maybe internally to slow your perception of time, if not time itself? I mean, everything I told you about so far probably happened in less than twenty seconds but the whole thing from memory seems to span like fifteen minutes or so.

A few tables of people had bolted for the door at the first sign of trouble. Me, mum and the boys were sat right by the back wall beside the salad cart, just two tables away from these dead people, now leaking all over the floor. We had like two options, sit rooted to the spot or hide behind some lettuce leaves and croutons. She had the boys tucked safely behind her - invoking the qualities of a human shield that I guess all mums possess. All noise had by now dumped out of the room. I’ve never before or since known such a peaceful moment. Is that strange to say? I kind of imagine something like Hiroshima or a huge tidal wave coming towards a coastal village and there must be these few moments before impact that sort of hang in the air. People out in the square looking at death on the horizon. I feel like a deep inexplicable calm must come over everyone. I mean, what can you do but say ‘yeah, ok. That’s it then,’ and some strange peace descends over everyone as they think about whatever they want to think about in that last second before death hits. Accomplishments, regrets, loved ones. What use is screaming when you’re about to die? This room felt like that, at least for a few moments. It was as though we were floating in space. I could have got up, walked around the place and taken a bread roll from another table and chewed it with my mouth open, no-one would have reacted or moved, trapped in the static of their thoughts.

In another instant the air rushed back into the room and people were wailing, crying and everything. More natural human reactions but it felt more like background noise to me instead of an appropriate response that warranted mimicry. A few groups closer to the door ran out but most of the other people just sat and stared. I guess everyone had the impression that the situation had de-escalated pretty quickly so there wasn’t much to run from anymore and it was probably a great time to be a front row bystander instead. People feel much more comfortable bearing witness to an aftermath that taking part in the preceding chapter. Just think of the difference between crashing your car in a motorway pileup, or being able to watch the wreckage from the other side of the central reservation, traffic jams forming as everyone slows down to take as much in as possible.

I looked back at my mum and brothers to see if they were ok. Ben had his head buried in mum’s lap as if he was trying to crawl back in. Jay had squeezed his face out from behind her and was just staring, staring, staring away at the whole scene. His face seemed both out of place in the circumstances yet also entirely appropriate. As I turned back the man was leaning his shotgun against a wall carefully, as though he was suddenly worried of knocking it and making it go off accidentally. He turned around briefly to look at the two bodies, sighed, and began to walk towards our table.”